Medicine, Mind and Adolescence 2001, XVI, 1-2
ILARIA AND THE MEXICAN BOY
Gabriele Soliani1
Gabriele Soliani1
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Abstract
Counselling sessions with Ilaria began in September 1999, and all occurred through the good auspices of her aunt. Ilaria is 17, she has been living with her divorced father for two years because her mom, after spending long periods in a psychiatric clinic, is now sentimentally bound to another man. Ilaria does not feel like living with this “new” dad, and after her grandfather’s death, who had loved her very much, prefers to return living with her natural father.
However, the unhealthy rapport with her natural father who had had very little contact with her in her adolescent years, upsets Ilaria very much since he expects his teenage daughter to be fully independent and mature in her choices.
Ilaria tenaciously dealt with her initial difficulties in meeting me. Eventually I got to know her: a fashionable, slender young lady with big, green eyes, a radiant smile and a crisp voice. Misunderstandings with her father and his harshness in her dealings with her caused her much pain, and a sense of void and futility. All this emerged in our counselling sessions.
I learned that she was not doing very well at school ; often behaving polemically towards her teachers. However I noticed in her a strong will to live a happy life, to be of help to others, and to reciprocate love. She was resolute, capable of perceiving the certainties of life, and had a good deal of humility, something that mattered a great deal to her.
I think that the “alliance” we formed in the first meeting, helped in not making her feel “judged”. This resulted in her returning for subsequent sessions.
In fact, the hidden concerns that lay in her heart emerged in our following meetings, together with “problems” and “menaces”. Her sensitivity which was often hurt by a father, who underrated her, forced her to look for affection in the arms of others.
A boyfriend had just left her, but soon afterwards she met another young man through an advertisement in a music magazine, which scouted for background female singers.
She was not sure, though, about what she was doing and so, consulted me. Affection had an overwhelming effect on her and sex appeal, too.
The search for the spiritual side of life was important to her; it was almost a devotion to go beyond, looking for an objective source of goodness and beauty.
To me this was the important key that opened the door to a real and full life.
Ilaria embraced Buddhism for a short time, because the so-called “ocean of compassion”, a search for harmony, beauty and peace, attracted her.
She also wanted to tell me about an experience she had made during one of her many travels abroad, alone or with some friends.
She had met a Mexican boy with whom she had had “only sex”. Her own behaviour worried her and she reproached herself with the belief of having acted wrongly.
After four meetings her father forced her to stop and threatened to leave her without money. I have not seen her any longer, but she called me one evening, to tell me she would go away from home to work at part-time jobs and to finish her university studies.
I reassured her that her intelligence and her magnitude of resources would help her do well in life. I think that Ilaria is in some European city at this time, but not in the arms of a Mexican boy.
Key Words: alliance, confidence, courage, change.
1. Correspondence to: Dr. Gabriele Soliani, Via Pergolesi 11, 42100 Reggio Emilia
